I struggled which blog to post this to. I guess in the end it doesn't really matter. I was chatting with Mel yesterday. We were both talking about our current challenges in regard to sounding like a fishwife when things aren't going how we would like them to go in any given circumstance when children are involved.
I don't yell and scream too loud (although I do welcome winter as the neighbors and our windows are closed mostly so they don't hear the ranting!) and mostly I am pretty calm and I like to look for the positives. When I go off though, it's like there isn't an off button and I will go on for some time (some might say hours...) about what 'should' have been done or what is missing and how it could be fixed. So much to the point yesterday where I even took to the road in this state and ended up cursing at the roadworks and the petrol bowser and my husband and lots of other things (the old addage about 10% is about what happens to you and 90% is about how you react to it comes to mind now).
Mel reminded me (in her ever so gently way) that a great way to express yourself when one of these situations arises (or attacks happen depending on who you are) is to express your feelings by saying "When you do this, I feel........." Mel gave the example of when the kids are dawdling and you are in a hurry you can say "When you dawdle, I feel like you are wasting my time and that makes me cranky."
I thanked Mel for sharing and told her I was going to post it on my blog because maybe others could do with a reminder as well with it being school holidays and all. I used to use this way to express my feelings when I worked in the corporate world. Living a cruisy (is that a word) life gets you out of practice and I guess my son is really a very pliable and well behaved child and that keeps me out of practice as well. So it was timely for me to receive this remind from Mel.
So I made a list (mostly for me but I'm happy to share) of things I can do instead of acting like a fishwife next time things aren't going my way with my son:
* Take a deep breath
* Walk away
* Phone the person/place where you are going to be going and let them know you will be running late
* Ask myself 'Does it really matter if the dvd's aren't back at the store on time?' Ha ha
* Sit in the car and wait
* Take a deep breath or two
* Try to be in the present instead of thinking all those things I think which make me cranky
* Go out into the back yard and scream (what will the neighbors think then?)
* Take two or three deep breaths
* Bury my head in a pillow and let it all out
* Bury my head in my hands and sigh